my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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