it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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