I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Betty ford says i'm here all night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Randomize
