My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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