I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
