there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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