Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
