He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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