if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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