its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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