I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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