Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Someone shit on the floor
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
