I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I pour the whiskey from now on
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
