yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
