Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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