I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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