I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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