i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
