Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
