Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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