Im at strip club and am horny
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
