His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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