if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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