i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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