please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
