i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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