then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
