we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
