The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
