I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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