I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
