Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
