so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
