I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
