the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
