Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
