Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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