i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
