He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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