So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
