I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
