Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
