dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
