I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
