It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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