ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
