Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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