She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
