My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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