there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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