we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need to align my fucking chakras
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
