I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
