how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
