On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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