for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We left the knife in your bed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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