Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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