Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
