At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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