Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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