He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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