laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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