If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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