conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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