i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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