why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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