i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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