We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
