he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
