And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my poor anus
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
