woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
