apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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