i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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