A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
where am i from again
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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