new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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