somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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