I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
