Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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