Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
