She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There r osticjed everywhere
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
