Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
