when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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