My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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